Graduation Address: Jewish Community Day School of RI
June 11, 2006 Rabbi Alvan Kaunfer

It is such a wonderful pleasure and honor for me to speak at your graduation today. I spoke at the school’s first graduation 20 years ago, when my son graduated and I was the school Director, and now I am speaking at the first graduation of the Jewish Community Day School of Rhode Island.

I want to speak to you today about transitions. You're in a transitional period of your life. You're about to leave your elementary school, the school where you will have spent the longest time in your life -- 9 years; and you're about to enter high school. High school will be, in many ways a totally different experience for you. Though you will find, as students from this school in the past have found, that you are exceptionally well-prepared for high school.

You are also entering a transition in terms of your own lives. You are entering the vast transitional period of life euphemistically called “adolescence”—better known as the teenage years. It is a transitional time that you will find both exciting and intimidating; fun and fearful. And certainly your parents and siblings will find teenagehood—and you—sometimes trying and challenging.

When you became Bar or Bat Mitzvah, your Rabbi told to that you were now considered an adult in Jewish law and in the Jewish community. But in our society, the transition from childhood to adulthood, does not take place in one fell swoop; it does not happen all of a sudden at age 13. In times gone by, the transition from childhood to adulthood was indeed much more abrupt. If you grew up on a farm a couple of hundred years ago, at age 10 or 11 you would have already been working in the fields like your parents You would have jumped from the world of childhood to the world of adulthood faster than you could imagine. But in today's world, in America, your teenage years, your adolescence will extend through high school, and through college, and even beyond.

So what do you have to look forward to in this new transitional stage of life? I think that the next years of your life will be focused on two types of things. The first is that you'll be searching for causes and dreams that you believe in. You'll be searching the world for ideas and ideologies that you can really feel are your own--that you will become committed to. Whether it will be a kind of politics, or a philosophy, it will most likely be different from the things you believe in now; and, in many cases different from the things your parents believe in and are committed to. But, at the same time, more than you realize, what you learned in this school, the values you learned here and at home, will remain as a basis and bed rock for your new explorations and new commitments. So, you will be looking for a vision for your life, so some central direction, a compass, an overarching goal, a set of values, a dream that you can place out there and work towards.

The second thing that will occupy you in this next stage of life -- and it is very much related to the first -- is that you will be looking for people that you can look up to. In fancy words: “accessible role models.” These are people that will embody the very commitments and visions that will draw you. Your mind and your heart will feel connected to these adult figures. That's not to say that you will not have important and influential peer friendships also; nor that your parents and your teachers will not carry long-lasting influences in your life ahead. But these new figures in your life will loom large, and will begin to motivate you to look at new ideas, and new commitments; they will be your Mentors.

The psychologists tell us that this transitional stage that you are now entering will probably be the most influential and powerful transitional period in your life. By the end of adolescence you will be, in many ways, a different person. Indeed, you will have your same core personality, some of your same core beliefs, but in other ways you will be very much a different person.

I used to think that when you became an adult, all these fluid transitions came to an end. But I have found that transitions keep happening. The rabbis had a sense of this thousands of years ago. They wrote in Pirkei Avot about the transition and changes in the life cycle.

• At five years of age—the study of Bible;

• At ten—the study of Mishnah;

• At thirteen—responsibility for the mitzvot; at fifteen—the study of Talmud;

• At eighteen—marriage; at twenty—pursuit of a livelihood; at thirty—the peak of one’s strength; at forty—the age of understanding; at fifty—the age of advice. At sixty—old age…
  

The psychologists tell us the same thing. Growth does not stop at age 15 or 30 or even 50 or 60. Transitions keep happening. One famous psychologists, Eric Erickson, tells us, for instance, that when you enter your later adult years, you shift your orientation from focusing on your own life, to focusing on giving to the next generation: To teaching them, to imparting the wisdom about life that you have gained, to mentoring them. So, in one stage of life you will be searching for a Mentor, in another stage, you will become one.

I also learned that not only adults have transitions and change, but institutions have lives just like you and I do. Institutions are like people. They are born, they grow up, and they change, and sometimes they pass away. But they are never just stagnant and the same, just like you and I never stay the same. America as a big institution has had transitions and changes. We are not the same nation as we were in 1776. Judaism has evolved. We are not quite the same religion as the one that Abraham and Moses practiced. And hospitals, and synagogues, and schools are institutions that have lives to. They have transitions, and they change. I think that you began to realize that powerfully this past year as the Alperin Schechter Day School began to transition into the Jewish Community Day School of Rhode Island. In many ways it is like the transition that you are about to enter. Many ideas, many values, many practices will stay the same. Yet, there will be new ideologies new dreams, new visions. And just as you may keep your core values as you search for new ideologies, this school will maintain many of its core values: The values of Torah study, the importance of excellent General Studies, commitments to Gemilut Hasadim, and Derekh Eretz—kindness and caring.

Many of the role models and teachers will remain the same. Yet, there will be new role models and new leaders. Just as Mr. McCarthy has begun to lead this transitional stage, Danni Steiner, along with him, will take the school into the next phase of this transition. Life is about transitions. Life is about growth. Life is about change. And changes not always easy.

When my oldest son, Elie, began in the school. It was called the Conservative Day School of Rhode Island. By the time he graduated, it had another name. On his diploma it said the Solomon Schechter Day School of Rhode Island. And by the time my younger son, Oren, graduated his diploma read the Alperin Schechter Day School of Rhode Island. Your diploma has two names on it: The Alperin Schechter Day School is still at the top, but at the bottom it says the Jewish Community Day School of Rhode Island. In many ways you hold the transitional diploma. Save it! It will be a collector's item in the future, along with your Alperin Schechter sweat-shirts. All these artifacts will remind you that life is about transition; life is about evolution, life is about change.

So what message do I want you to take away he from your graduation today? I want you to be ready to be launched into an exciting but sometimes scary new transitional stage. Be ready for high school, be ready for new dreams and new ideologies, be ready to meet new role models and new mentors, and be ready to come out on the other side, the same person but a changed person. Be ready to take all that you have learned from your parents, all that you have learned from the school, and apply it, as you search for what you will be committed to in your lives. Keep coming back to the core values of Judaism, to the eternal messages of the Torah, to the math skills, the scientific methods, the social studies concepts, and the ability to read critically and write creatively, that you learned in your elementary years. These will be the bedrock on which you will build your adult lives. But remember too that even as you become adults, you are not through with transitions, and not through with change.

We wish you well on your journey, as you enter the next exciting and challenging transition of your life. Mazal Tov and Hatzlakhah.

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